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Letters From Alex™

A collection of poetry and prose.

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January 11, 2019 0

South Padre Island | June 2, 2018

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I’ll give up. I’ll lose all hope. I’ll stop thinking about you, caring about you, and I’ll kill the thoughts in my head that keep wondering when we’ll get together. I’ll finally have clarity that there’s no “if” and no “when” we’ll get back together, but rather never. Get married. Have your baby. Let me see you happy, so I can finally move on. This point of no return will lead me to freedom.

Nothing that I ever do is good enough for you. It’s not that you don’t appreciate it, but instead of saying thank you, you ask, “Why?” And I don’t know how to answer that. Why do I do all this for you? Maybe because I believe we’re meant to be. Why do I treat you so well after everything you’ve done to me? Because I have a kind, selfless, and forgiving heart. Why do I love you? I have no idea. Maybe it’s because you’re the strangest, most beautiful human being I’ve ever met. And you deserve to live forever.

I know where you live, but I don’t know where you sleep. I’ve always wondered what your room looks like. Does it have anime posters on the wall? Do you have a handful of lanyards hanging on your door handle? Do you have statues of superheroes on your dresser counter? What about supervillains? Do you have a bookshelf filled with books you’ve never read? Is your room pretty messy? I hope not, but if it is, I’d clean it for you. Do you make your bed every morning? I doubt it. That’s okay though, because I don’t either. I really wish I could’ve slept over at your house and not have sex with you. I’d rather be cuddling under the sheets instead of fondling on the bed. You’d hold me close to keep me warm and of all the pillows you have on your bed, you’d choose to lay your head on my chest instead. You’d listen to my racing heartbeat and I’d tussle your hair as you tickle my ribs. We’d laugh, we’d kiss, and maybe cry because we both know in the morning we’d have to say goodbye. But we’d drown out our thoughts with intimate kisses and soft laughters and forget about the short lived night. And no matter how painful this moment is, it’s all worth it in the end. It’s just a shame that we never woke up together to leave your bed unmade.

Build coffins for those undeserving of your love, bury them six feet under where they belong, and may they Rest In Peace.⁣ Stop giving them space in your head like you’re waiting for them to come back. They may never come back and if they do, it might be years from now. People change. People grow. And sometimes, people don’t change at all. ⁣ I’d hope you change for the better. And you may not know what to do right now if they do show up in your future, but when the moment comes— I promise your heart will speak to you and you’ll do the right thing.

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