November 2, 2020

Good evening Alex,

I came across your Instagram account about three years ago. Your posts and poetry are really heartwarming, especially when the days are bad. Thank you for creating such a great space for people to share your experiences and stories.

I haven’t been doing okay lately.

Last year, I met someone who was really amazing. She was sweet and kind– different from most, I would say. At the time, I wasn’t looking for anything, but she changed everything. I was happy. I thought we were great together.

I’ve always been a hopeless romantic. I wanted to spoil her for Valentine’s Day. I did and it didn’t go well. The day she received everything, she ended things with me and Ubered everything I got her that same hour. It wasn’t a nice thing to go through and I guess I’m still going through it.

I haven’t felt like this about anyone before. I try to check up on her by texting her. Sometimes she’ll reply, but majority of the time, she leaves me on read. I still really like her and care about her, but she doesn’t seem to appreciate everything I do.

I’ve always thought that my heart was always the best thing about me, but I guess that too is not enough anymore. It hurts. It brings me to tears. I feel so pathetic to be going on and complaining about this, especially with what’s going on with the world and COVID. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m not sleeping well– can hardly keep my mind off her. I’m hardly eating either. If it wasn’t for my dogs, I think I would have done something I’ll regret.

Getting flashbacks of how things were and what they could of been– it’s so painful. I used to be happy before her. I used to be very active. I loved running and staying in shape. I haven’t been able to do those things over the years, it’s like I lost a piece of myself.

I always tried to keep the communication going between us because she won’t text me unless I do it first. We talked a month ago. She was going through some stuff. I tried to help her and be there for her. It seemed to be like old times, but she told me she has a boyfriend. During the time we communicated, she never mentioned him. I get weak moments and I send her a message just to make sure she’s okay and safe, but I get no response.

She looks happy with him. She deserves to be happy. She deserves everything. I just wish it could be with me. I’ve always thought by some miracle, we’d end up together again. I know how naïve and stupid that sounds. I had hope, but I guess now that’s never going to happen.

I know I’m breaking my own heart by trying to keep in touch with her and stuff, but I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m a 25 year old guy that’s been holding on to her for so long. I just can’t breathe anymore. I just need everything to stop.

Sincerely,
Anonymous

We Need More Time

Please don’t die.
Not while
I’m still breathing.
Not while
my heart’s still beating.
We are strangers for now,
but I have hope
that someday
things will go back to
how they used to be,
back to when
things were simpler.
Whether it’s a year
or ten,
I will wait for you
because
we have so much more
to live for.
So, please stay alive
while I’m still alive.
I will not live my life
to the fullest
until I have lived my life
with you.

© Letters From Alex

Bad Habits

Bad habits
you never grew
to love
in someone,
will become
bad habits
you’ll grow
to miss
when they’re gone.

© Letters From Alex

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