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Letters From Alex™

A collection of poetry and prose.

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Call me crazy, call me obsessive, call me whatever you like, but just remember you did this to me. You left in silence and that’s the worst thing you can do to somebody. You know how crazy that drove me? I made myself believe that I was the problem, that I wasn’t enough, that you deserved better. So, I started writing poetry about you, so people all over the world can see how much light you shine. But, it’s still not enough is it? No. It’ll never be enough. Yet, despite all this, there’s a little candle lit in my heart and that flame is my love for you. I protect it. I cherish it. And I make sure nobody gets too close to it. Because nobody except you can blow out that candle with one simple word... “Goodbye.”

A racing mind can be a curse, but it can also be a blessing in disguise. Find yourself a pen and paper, and write down everything, absolutely everything— even if it doesn’t make any sense right now. There was nights when I just couldn’t stop thinking about him. Memories of us flooded my brain, especially at night. He’d keep me up even though he wasn’t around. During the day, I thought of him too, but not as much. It’s like the sun helped dry out the thoughts before they started flooding again. I turned to writing when the pain was too unbearable. It’s like I’m writing not only from my brain, but from my heart as well. Or maybe I’ve been writing from the heart all along. Who knows. All I know is, I don’t care that I write about him. Some people say it’s obsessive. Others say it’s time to let go. I tell myself it’s pathetic. But it’s none of those things. My heart tells me what to feel and my mind tells me what to say. I can’t help but see his face in every poem about “you” but one day that face will change. Because “you” is just an idea. And when I find the right person for me— no, when the right person finds me, you will be worth writing about. Whoever you are...

Even though I know you won’t answer, I would call you every single night I felt lonely just to hear your voice say, “Hey, sorry I couldn’t answer your call. Just leave a message after the beep and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” But you’re not that kind of person to leave heartfelt greetings. Instead, I just hear a machine that has no heart.

𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝟏𝟎, 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟗⁣ Gas pump number 5. That’s where I saw someone’s back that looked like yours putting gas into a silver mustang. At least, that’s what I suspected from two hundred feet away as I drove past the gas station. ⁣ I made a U-turn at the next stoplight, drove into the gas station, and parked by pump number 1, parallel to you, but hidden behind the station. ⁣ It was you. I knew I recognized your back. I just knew it had to be you, even after two and a half years. ⁣ I checked inside your car. She wasn’t in there. And I didn’t see her inside buying snacks. Why were you alone?⁣ I got out of the car and came out of hiding. ⁣ I just stood there, waiting. It must have been about five seconds until you turned to my direction and saw me. You turned away and, immediately, turned back at me. You noticed a stranger, but you recognized my face. ⁣ I was expecting you to get in your car and drive away, but surprisingly enough, you walked toward me without a word, without a hello. ⁣ I was the first to speak.⁣ “Hey. I thought I saw you while I was driving by. I just wanted to get down and see how you’re doing and I don’t know, maybe get a hug from you?” ⁣ He reached out his hand.⁣ “You can get a handshake,” he said with eyes as cold as ice and a voice I could not recognize. ⁣ My heart broke all over again. ⁣ I guess this is what we’ve come to.

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