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Letters From Alex™

A collection of poetry and prose.

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Detach your emotions, they say. Don’t get too close. Or you’re gonna get hurt. ⁣ But I can’t. ⁣ I can’t lie to myself and say I don’t wanna kiss you, or hold your hand, or stare into your eyes.⁣ Because I do wanna do those things. And maybe I don’t love you right now, but I feel like I can. And I wanna spend the rest of my life figuring out who you are— what makes you angry, what makes you happy, what makes you cry, and what moments you cherish because I wanna be the one you cherish those moments with.⁣ I know I’ll always want something more. And I know I’m gonna get hurt, but for now I’ll live in the moment and cherish every second I have with you before you break my heart.

Sometimes, I’ll write to remember. Other times, I’ll write to forget. But most of all, I’ll write to heal and let go— let go of all the pain you caused, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t love. It’s because I loved you so much that I felt this pain to begin with.

I’ll never be at peace unless I die first, and even if I don’t— it’s not like I’ll be invited to your funeral. Pretending you’re dead, to me, feels a lot more painful. It’s like a ghost that’s living in purgatory. You feel their presence, but you can’t see them. But then I do see you. I do run into you. And my heart breaks all over again when our eyes meet. If you were dead, everything that I ever hoped for would die with you. I’d finally get to move on. I’d finally be at peace because I’ll know you’re at peace.

Sometimes, the pain is too much to bear. I’d rather wake up empty than wake up heavy. Emptiness is nothingness. Heaviness is a burden— a burden you have to carry with you on your shoulders. I don’t want the weight of the world on my shoulders, unless the world is you.

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