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Letters From Alex™

A collection of poetry and prose.

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Month: November 2019

A room without your voice.

What a terrible sound.

November 12, 2019

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Wondering about all the what if’s is torture. There’d be mornings I’d wake up thinking of you and wondering, what if I never met you? Then, on nights when they’re lonelier than most, I wonder, what if you came back to me? Would I greet you with open arms? I hope you did love me and I hope that love never faded, because you deserve to forever wonder all the what if’s too, so you can understand the pain you put me through when you left the way you did. It may have taken three years to move on, but I’m so grateful to finally have closure. Congrats on your marriage.

Your actions speak louder than words. ⁣ You didn’t have to leave the way you did,⁣ but you did it anyway. ⁣ You didn’t want to hurt me,⁣ but you did it anyway. ⁣ That’s okay though⁣ because ⁣ I’ve caught myself daydreaming about you— ⁣ daydreaming about us making s’mores by the bonfire,⁣ watching movies that both make us cry,⁣ having deep conversations at 4 in the morning,⁣ and eating dinner with a glass of red wine,⁣ and just before I get carried away about thinking of us, ⁣ I remember she’ll be the one right by your side, living my daydream instead.

Dear V,⁣ ⁣ If this letter ever gets to you and you actually read it, I’m sure you’ll realize from the start that it’s about you. ⁣ ⁣ I know this seems a bit much. “A whole letter about me? Why?” Why you ask? Because you deserve to be known. You deserve to be heard. You deserve to live forever. And as much as you don’t see that or want to hear it, it’s true. ⁣ ⁣ You hurt me— you hurt me to the core, but let’s just forget about that for a moment. ⁣ ⁣ I know you feel like you deserve less and maybe that’s why we were never matched up. I deserved more than you gave. And I gave you too much. We had this imbalance of love. ⁣ ⁣ I know this now because throughout the years, I’ve met people that treated me like a king, but I didn’t want that. I didn’t ask for it, but they did it anyway because they see the worth that I don’t see. ⁣ ⁣ And I feel the situation is the same with you. I put you on this pedestal, but you don’t take the crown. People will say that’s humble of you, but you’re not being humble. You’re just in shock. You feel like you’ve done nothing out of the ordinary. What makes you so special? I sometimes wonder the same thing. ⁣ ⁣ But maybe that’s it. Maybe it’s the idea that you’re nothing special at all. You’re a human being like me— like the rest of humanity. You make mistakes, you’re not perfect, but you’re genuinely a nice person— always wanting to do the right thing even if it hurts. I know your heart. It never intends to do hurt, but it does it anyway because love hurts and sometimes, you gotta let someone go to be happy. And that’s what you did for me. ⁣ ⁣ You let me go and gave me room to grow. That’s something I didn’t see before, but I’m grateful now that you let me go the way you did because I’ve fallen in love with the person I’ve become. I just wish you would meet the new me. ⁣ ⁣ Love always, ⁣ B.

Why do you have to disappear from my life completely? Didn’t you say you’d rather keep me in your life than pretend I don’t exist? Or are you just a liar? I sometimes wonder if you’re even the same person I know when I’m not around... Who are you when you’re alone? Do I know exactly who you are or do I only know the person you led me to love?

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